Thanksgiving Jokes

Thank You for This Food

A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before a big dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"


I Don't Want to Go

Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."

"Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied, "So why is their dad carrying that rifle?"


Thanksgiving Blessings

All the grandkids were visiting for Thanksgiving. Before dinner, Grandma made a lengthy speech about being thankful for her extra-special blessings, her four grandchildren.

Two seconds after she stopped speaking, all hell broke loose and the kids were yelling and grabbing for the home-made rolls.Grandma sat there, eyes closed with a tight squint on her face.

When asked what was the matter, she replied, "I'm just praying for a little patience to handle all these blessings."

Happy Parrot Day

A woman recently received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

She tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else she could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, she was fed up and yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

She shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

So, in desperation, she threw up her hands, grabbed the bird and THREW him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that she hurt the parrot,

She quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto her outstretched arm and said

'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.'

She was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As she was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic
change in his behavior, the bird continued,

'May I ask what the turkey did?'



HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS!

Funny Laughs With Andrew

Hello and welcome to the first funny laughs with Andrew.

The joke for today is, "Why did the boy throw the ball at the computer?"

.......










The answer is.......

"The coach told him to throw the ball into the net."

The Sin of Lying

I believe we should learn to laugh at least once a day. Even if it doesn't help us live longer, it definitely helps us live happier. :-)

I would like to try something like this with next year's class. But if they're anything like you guys, they would actually do the assignment and realize I was making up this "phantom" assignment.

I hope you all realize how special your class was. Truly remarkable!

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want
you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many
had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Perfect Practice Makes Perfect

"In school they told me practice makes perfect.
Then they told me no one is perfect.
So I stopped practicing."

- Steven Wright
- comedian

I miss you guys. I have more time now to work on my masters and books but also more time to remember what a great year this was. You were an incredible class and once again achieved an incredibly high class average on the FCAT.

And yes, once again in BOTH reading and math. I'm proud of you and hope you're enjoying you're well-deserved summer. You earned it.

By the way, we know that PERFECT practice makes perfect.

Comedic Genius??

"So far so good. No one seems to notice I snuck into the back of the car................

Hey, you....quit looking at me!

Stop laughing and beeping your horn!!!...........

Oh, no! The driver is turning around.........

I'm going to get in so much trouble when Mom finds out about this........."





















Now you try to come up with a caption for this one, or a funnier one than I was able to do for the cow-in-a-car photo.

Everybody has a genius. Yours may be comedic!

*This one is special because I grew up with a father who loved Pepsi and brain-washed his children into thinking Coke was terrible.

It worked! When I was going to school in Mexico I waved the Red-White-and-Blue Pepsi flag, declaring "Coke apesta!" (Coke stinks)

In hindsight my loyalty was undeserved. None of us kids were allowed to drink any of his Pepsi. We had to sneak it if we wanted any (hee-hee, sorry Dad)